CRÈME DE LA STYLE: THE NET-A-PORTER EFFECT & FIVE-DOLLAR-FOOTLONG SUBWAY SANDWICHES

by CRÈME DE LA CRM


We’ve all been there. That moment you realize ‘shit, I have nothing to wear’ and looking through your closet is like looking through a Walmart catalog, or even worse Victoria’s Secret (self-loathing at its prime). Yet you continue to dig through as if that Thakoon dress you found on net-a-porter, but didn’t buy, (let me repeat that: did-NOT-buy) is exquisitely hiding in there… somewhere. (If this has never happened to you, consider yourself the queen of crème de la crème). Sadly, this happens to me every day – sometimes multiple times a day. Yesterday, stands as a case in point, for 20 minutes of my life I was dissecting my wardrobe and speculating where I had placed my Isabel Marant bekket leather and suede sneakers. Today, I was searching for my Peter Pilotto K printed crepe skirt. Tomorrow, I will probably be searching for my Proenza Schouler PS1. I like to call this the net-a-porter effect – similar to the rainbow effect, in which one can see the rainbow, but can never have the rainbow, you see?

Thus far, I have yet to find a solution that does not involve spending the majority of my monthly allowance on net-a-porter, forcing me to live on 5-dollar-footlong subway sandwiches (because, people, that’s bang for your buck right there) for the rest of my monthly existence. As a result, I forced my graphic designer best friend to teach me how to use photoshop, just so that I can create images like this one and this one. This, people, is a true life example of the power of the net-a-porter effect.

So here is what I would’ve worn today if i was cracked out on that rainbow shit. Take note: when I choose what to wear I pick a lead role (that is, the one piece of clothing that you decide will stand out the most – like Brad Pitt in all of his movies. Because you wouldn’t wear Brad Pitt and George Clooney at the same time would you? Yes, you would. Right, so everything I just said: disregard it). Ok, let me start again. Some days I like to keep things simple – so when you want simplicity, pick one lead role. If you want some crème de la crème bad-ass-sass, pick two, three, or four (this seems to be getting a little too corporeal).

In this case, the lead role would be ‘my’ Peter Pilotto K printed crepe skirt, followed by the lead’s right hand man, metallic heels by Arfango and then the right hand man’s right hand man, Roberto Cavalli’s printed jersey t-shirt (are we all still following here?). Finally, finish of the look with accessories, which we’ll call the props. For props we have: Dannijo’s spilk ring, rima bracelet and symson cuff; the black leather bracelet is Gorjana and the clutch is 3.1 Phillip Lim. I realize I may have just applied the concept of film to the concept of style. What does that demonstrate? That style is EVERYWHERE, people. Style is free, even though net-a-porter is not.