CRÈME DE LA ROUGE: 50 SHADES OF NEVER ENDING…RED (YOU HAVE A DIRTY SOUL)

by CRÈME DE LA CRM

So what is it really about the color red that makes it so sexually defining? As per usual, I had no answers – why? Because instead of delving into thought-provoking actualities like this, I choose to read up on (seemingly) more fundamental issues like, ‘why is hippo milk pink?’ and ‘who is Courtney Stodden?’ So, I turned to my life coach (Google) and after vigorously investigating (like the Google Warrior Princess that I am) I came across some answers. Apparently, it all comes down to one thing: fertility.  So that’s it people, wearing red lipstick causes men to believe that you are the crème de la crème of fertility. Word.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: why the crème de la crème is this any kinds of significant? Well, it is. I know there are many of you out there who have (for so long) desired to try this never-ending-always-trending trend of rouge lips. I also know that many of you haven’t acted upon such desires due to a multitude of reasons – looking too ‘provocative’ is most likely one of them.

This is where my short essay on my love for Google starts to garner a point: wearing red lipstick does not suggest that one resides in a brothel-like environment, nor does it imply that one is a lady-of-the-night, concubine, floozy, or any other term that suggests anything less than crème de la crème.

People, wear your lips red and power to all things fertile – including our ovaries and the soil from our gardens.